I said good bye and I thought how odd it was when I didn’t get one back. As I drove further away from the house, I could gradually feel some switch being turned on. Eventually, I tipped the wheel to take me back home, and it was then I heard the words inside my head, ‘We’re separating‘. It was like a lightening bolt hitting me right between the eyes. It was in that moment that I looked up at the sky and thought ‘ How beautiful is this Fall light?’.
Being a Photographer, I always feel like I’m chasing the light. I know exactly which light in my house is the best for taking Food Shots, on the right side of my kitchen counter, and where the best light is in my backyard to take Self Portraits, in the corner by the back gate. I love how the light in the morning makes everything feel fresh and newly born and I also love how the early evening light makes things soft and gently loved.
When I started my journey out of darkness on that bright Fall afternoon, little did I know how much of my own light had been dimmed. At my core, I have always been a happy and positive person. I allowed circumstances and experiences sway me the other way. I had let the darkness eat me up. But as time moved forward, I began to realize that in order to get my light back, I had to acknowledge that the darkness was both a blessing and a lesson. God and the Universe put me there for a reason.
I gradually cleansed and purged, and began to embrace life in all it’s gloriousness. Faith, Family, Friends, and my beloved dog, Sadie taught and continues to teach me, that unconditional love is the ultimate ray of light. The kind of light that cuts you deep and leaves you wide open. The kind of light that sees all of it as a gift, a gift that deserves respect and honor.
Even when I was in the depths, I was taking photos (one only needs to look at my Instagram and Flickr accounts to see how I documented obsessively), writing (7 journals in 4 years), and making Art (Collage/Mixed Media comforts me). Some days my muse was positive and forgiving. Other days she was angry and gray. But I fought my way out, and I came away with an unwavering compassion, a strong sense of independence, and the ferocity to fall in love with life everyday.
I still encounter darkness, I am only human after all. But I know now, that it’s just a switch that needs to be flipped on once in awhile. Quite simply, it guides me to what I need to edit out (toxic anything), what I need to listen to (God, the birds chirping, British Accents) and what is worth my time (my Beloveds, Thrift Store shopping, and Parading with my Camera).
So, Thank You oh fated Fall day. You pushed me out and into where I was supposed to be, chasing that damn light.
Care to join me?